I have always had a secret I wanted to let go of. I have problems with everything I do. It doesn’t sound that big but I think of everything I do every single day. It’s like I overthink but x10 today my dad was yelling at me and my brother for waking up late for school and I started crying. He felt really bad and I started crying even more when I realized why he was that mad he had went to sleep after 3 am and was tired he woke up early to drive down to crispy Cremes just to get us Valentine’s Day donuts I feel like I ruined his Valentine’s Day really badly and I started crying after school because my dad didn’t feel good (didn’t have covid he took a test) and he STILL had to go to work he gets off of work at midnight everyday I feel so freaking bad and I feel like it’s my fault for everything. I didn’t even finish my donut because I was so sad. I cry writing this because I love him so much and I would die for him so it hurts to see my parents try so hard just for me to be upset about something so little. I hate myself and I deserve to go to hell

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023