When I was 13, me and my friend went on one last walk together, I said goodbye to him, he said he was going to keep going. I told him to stay safe. We each had a gun for protection. Little did I know that was the last goodbye I had given to him. His mom called me a few hours later saying he had taken his own life. If I had kept going with him, he probably wouldn’t have been gone, he probably would’ve been around. I still remember he called me 20 minutes after saying his last words, “I have one bullet and I’m going to take it, I love you…”

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023