@Hopes-Secrets-and-Regrets When I was 14 my mother died from heart failure and my dad was always trying to be there but couldn't because of some work things so it was basically me and my sister and brother. My sister has always been there for me when she could but it wasn't easy on anyone especially since our family never liked us except our family on my mothers side who was also there not much. I felt like a failure for most of my life because when my mom died it was me and my siblings who had to do CPR until help arrived and it didn't help that we had a aggressive snow storm happened and it took 37 mins for a ambulance to come but sadly we couldn't save her and she told us 1 hour before she died never give up on your love one never forget them and to always make sure to give your loved one a second chance and then she said I love you guys more than anything and told us I'm taking a nap and never so up again I'm 18 and is focused on becoming a paramedic so I can get to help kids like me so they can never EVER feel that pain.

i really dislike whenever my parents compare me to my other siblings. it’s always “try harder. they get much better grades than you and what do you do? stay on your phone all day.” the thing is, no matter how much i tell them that i actually try hard and study every night, they never believe me. even my own siblings, they see my studying in my room but end up ganging on me with my parents. it’s like my parents don’t even have faith and belief in their daughter anymore. it’s like my own siblings don’t see me as their sister anymore. i really do try my best when it comes to studying. i really do. no matter how hard it is, i take my time out and study, but my family never seems to understand or agree with what i do. even my friends betray me. believe it or not, i have no friends. no one even checks up on me anymore and life is so boring now. i’ve never felt so lonely and so… upset. i cry every night knowing no one cares about me. there are times where i just wanna end it. what’s the point of being alive if no one even cares? no one ever supports me anymore. the smile of me 5 years ago is not the smile i have right now. all i get is blamed at, body shamed at and yelled at.

• August 6, 2023