in october my grandpa started going downhill, very quickly. a few days before he passed, we got the call that he will be passing sometime soon. my grandparents live far out of town so it couldn’t be a drive back and fourth to visit in his last moments, sorta thing. i had school, and many tests. so my mom and i sat down and discussed if i was going to come out to visit or finish school. i was doing really really bad mentally since i did just lose my uncle, great gma, dog and hamster. so i said i was going to stay in town because i couldn’t handle, just sitting there waiting knowing what was coming. a few days pass, i’m with my dad driving. and i get the call. he’s gone. my biggest regret is not going out there to say goodbye. i never got the chance to say goodbye to anyone else who passed since it was unexpected. but i had the chance too. and i didn’t take it. and i hate it so much that i said no, to saying goodbye. my biggest regret.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023