Something that no one knows about me. And something that i wont even accept myself is that im not happy. I think that my mental health is getting better and that im actually doing better but in reality the reason that ive lost motivation in everything that i do is because i dont want to be alive anymore. I have no dreams or passion. Im a senior in highschool and i dont even want to go to college anymore because i dont have the motivation for it. Im not okay. Im not happy. And saying it right now, even though no one is probably gonna read this, hurts. I just wish that i could either be dead or that i can finally have my life back

I went to a high school that overworked me and made me lose motivation in everything. I regret going there and if given the chance I would have left the first year. I stuck through it because I was worried my family would think bad about me. I almost didn't graduate because in the last year during my pandemic I just lost myself. I've been lost ever since. I decided to not go to college at the last minute and I've been working ever since. The second I told my parents I knew I lost their support. And now here I am lost. Scared. And wishing I had somebody to hug me tight. I ignore the scary reality, instead of adulting and dealing with it. One of my greatest weaknesses that I just can't manage to fix. I told everybody I'd go back to school in a year... I haven't taken any steps to doing so.

• June 26, 2023