Growing up I was a skinny child and I danced for more than half my life. When I stopped I started gaining weight. I vaguely remember standing on the scale looking and looking at my self in the mirror. Years pass and I became someone I didn’t want to be and I have been trying to hard but I wasn’t body shamed by my friends. I was body shamed by my dad. “You weigh more than me” “you look like you’ve lost weight” “that shirt is too big on you” “you shouldn’t be eating that” “that has a lot of calories” sometimes I’d only eat a granola bar a day or not at all and I stopped being hungry. It made me feel so insecure about my body that thats all I think about now is how I look. I try to go to the gym and my mom has always been supportive of me and tried talking to him but he still wouldn’t let off.

I'm a bad kid, being me ik all my family's passwords nobody can hide anything from me without me finding out in due time. I always get in trouble and do stuff to make my mom mad so for some reason I went through my mom's phone through her texts all her listed passwords and I came across a note in her phone it was locked I typed in the password I used to get into her phone and it opened that's how I found out my mom was depressed and planned to.. in a few months my heart dropped at reading this I had been such an awful kid and I was the reason. Then something in me changed and I just couldn't be a bad daughter anymore I wanted to but there was always an invisible force holding me back. I started showing more love and support and on the date that was read on her phone she took me to a bridge over water pulled to the side of the road and told me to get out I panicked because I knew what she was gonna do but instead she came clean to me and we talked and I told her that I already knew about it. As bad of a daughter I was I love and always will love my mom and I couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

• August 6, 2023