My dad has sexually assaulted me many times when he thinks im asleep and I am but I don’t really remember until later in the day and ive honestly lost all respect for him. I hate him but I feel like im forced to love him because hes my dad and I try to show him a little respect in front of others but I just dont like him touching me at all. I have told a few people but they cant really do anything and ive tried telling my mom and I just couldn’t get out everything that I wanted to saya bout him. He stopped doing it for a while and I thought he wasnt gonna do it anymore, but he started doing it again and now I just have so much hate for him and I just dont want to ruin peoples relationships bc my uncle used to do it to me when I was 8 or 9. Now, because of them I font like things close to my neck and I have problems with what I wear and I dont like certain guys touching me because I feel like their gonna do it too. And i have attachment issues with guys but I tuink ive learned to look for the right person. One day im gonna out them but ill do it when im ready.

For years now I’m struggled with a problem regarding my love life. I’m a simp at heart and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love finding someone to simp over and going through the talking stage and getting to know them better and even the excitement before getting to see them in person or around school. It’s exhilarating and I love the way my heart races or when I smile at their texts. I’m a hopeless romantic not because I’ve experienced much in real life but because my passion is reading romance novels. I read 2 to 5 full length romance books a week and I love it. My issue is that the second I discover or even feel like the person I’m simping over likes me back, I get crippling anxiety and I ghost them or friend zone them. Obviously when I simp over these guys a relationship is what I want because I desperately crave falling in love but when they tell me they like me back or ask me on a date or even act like they’re interested back I get severe panic attacks and sometimes they get so bad I get physically ill. I crave physical touch but I’m fucking terrified of it and I don’t know how to help myself or find the route of this issue. I’ve been going to therapy for like 6+ months and not even my therapist can figure it out. I’m 18 and I’ve never had my first kiss, gone on a date, or even really done much more than holding hands with a guy and even then I panic. It’s gotten so bad I’ve even considered the possibility that I’m asexual or something like that. I guess I’m looking for advice or even seeing if anyone has ever had this problem and how they dealt with it because I’m fed up with it and I really just want to experience love or even just be physical with someone without the dread. People that I’ve confided in about this in past have just told me “it’s normal! It’s just nervousness!!” But I’ve been Nervous before and this just isn’t the same

• July 29, 2023