My father was an alcoholic and became estranged when I was about 10 years old after my parents divorced. He was rarely around and if he was he was hung over. One of the last memories I have seeing him in person was after my 10th birthday party that he promised to be at but missed. He showed up the next day, looking drunk or hung over and I was home alone. He knocked and begged me to open the door so he could apologize, but I hid behind the couch until he left. After that, he never tried to contact me ever again. A few years ago I got word that he was on hospice and I considered reaching out and decided against it, not wanting to be hurt again. Now, years later I regret not giving it one last try. Sometimes I’m hit with bouts of regret that maybe we could have made amends before he died and now I’ll never know. Death is so final and I can’t take back that decision, I felt like a little kid again just hiding behind the couch until he left.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023