I actually have two to share. The first one is that o constantly lie to make myself more entertaining and interesting. I understand that a lot of people do this, and i no longer impulsively lie like that, but i used to take it to extreme lengths. I once spent a week researching schizophrenia and then convinced my closest friends i had it. I used to live in the ghetto, moved to the suburbs, but i didnt get into as many scary experiences as the ones I've told my friends. A few, but not nearly as many. I have a few more but i want to keep these confessions relatively short. The second one is the one that causes me to loathe myself in particular. I used to masturbate to animals, and cartoon children, and it makes me sick every time i think about it. I no longer do, as i can now resist the urge to look at.. that, but the fact that i even enjoy it is abhorrent to me. I have a dog and multiple younger siblings, and i would never think of them in that way, but imagining the look my oldest younger sibling would give me if she ever found out... I wouldn't be able to stand it. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023