I’m happy my mom died. I miss her. I miss her everyday. But she was a bipolar drug addict. I was the only person she lived with. She withheld me from my family, took me away from my dad, abandoned her other son and eventually abandoned me when I found her. She left me scared, alone, and I found out everything she told me about my family was a lie. I should hate her, I think I do. But not a day goes by that I don’t miss her all the same. I’m happy she died. Because if she didn’t, I never would have been free.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023